by Naomi | Apr 6, 2016 | Creative Life
When we don’t leave room in our plans, we squash the possibility of surprise. What’s worse, we often don’t realize we’re limiting ourselves.
Picture two actors onstage, beginning an improvised scene.
Actor One: (pointing frantically) Oh no, look, it’s a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Actor Two: (leaning forward) And look, he’s nodding at us. I think he’s trying to tell us something.
Actor One: He’s running straight toward us! Run!
Actor Two: (running along behind Actor One, looking over her shoulder) I wonder if we should try to talk to him?
Actor One: He’s a monster. AGGGGH! Run!
Actor Two can’t salvage the scene, and ends up running offstage with Actor One. The scene is over.
In improv, we call this scenario “saying no.”
Actor One began the scene planning for a T-Rex to chase her offstage. No matter what her scene partner said, Actor One insisted the scene go as she planned. She said no to all the options and possible surprises Actor Two introduced.
Why might this happen?
Actor One might be feeling nervous. The audience is watching, and the silence is lengthening. So, she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. There’s a T-Rex! Good! Drama. Danger. The silence is broken. But Actor Two, relieved of the burden of introducing the first idea, sees the dead-end problem in the scene. Two actors shrieking and running away isn’t really a scene. So, Actor Two introduces the possibility that this T-Rex isn’t like other dinosaurs. If Actor One allows this new idea to develop, something interesting might happen. Neither actor is responsible entirely for the success of the scene. Both actors are likely to be surprised. When actors are bold enough to say yes to the unknown, interesting things can happen.
Often, we say no in our real lives, too.
- We have a firm agenda for a meeting or class and refuse to be sidetracked, even when interesting opportunities for learning or exploration arise.
- We mentally script a conversation or confrontation and don’t leave room to listen and respond in real time.
- We schedule our days to their very edges and don’t leave room for serendipitous detours.
Unfortunately, the solution isn’t as easy as throwing plans out the window. Classes, confrontations, and even day-to-day schedules suffer if we don’t prepare at all. Maybe here, we can learn a thing or two from improvisational actors.
- First, improv actors know that improvisation is a skill to be practiced and refined. It’s not a “who cares, I don’t need a script” attitude. Rather, improv actors shift their focus from practicing for ONE predictable scenario into practicing for a MULTITUDE of scenarios. They practice listening, saying yes, and adding ideas to move the game forward.
- Second, improv actors know that every scene is an experiment. Some will work better than others, and some will completely fail. They accept the failures as part of the learning process.
- Third, improv actors build possibilities in the spaces between people, rather than limiting the options to their own experience, ideas and skill set. They aren’t afraid to collaborate and to allow others to help.
Recently, I’ve been challenged to take steps forward into new territory–artistically, professionally, and personally. What’s fascinating is how pertinent my improv training continues to be, no matter how far the challenge is from an actual stage. It turns out that improvisation can be a training ground for real life. As in on-stage improv, when you approach life’s situations with an open-for-surprise attitude, delightful things can happen.
I wonder: In what life situation might you practice the art of improvisation? I hope you try it, and if you do, share your story on Instagram or Twitter and tag me. I’d love to hear how the experiment goes for you.
by Naomi | Apr 1, 2016 | Creative Life
In The Art of Possibility, Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander point out that this harmless little question might not be so harmless after all. Why? Well, the underlying question for most of us is, “What did I accomplish today?” And the danger is that we’re measuring the value of our day based on our answer.
If you’re a novelist and you spend the day working on a difficult passage, ending up with 500 words, it’s all too easy to judge the day a failure. Only 500 words today. Or, what if at the end of a day of teaching, you realize that you spent most your time resolving a heartfelt conflict in your classroom but hardly any time on spelling?
Asking the wrong question leads to the wrong answer. And the wrong answers, over time, lead to skewed thinking, poor decisions, and too often, a sense of discouragement and confusion.
And yet, reflection is an important part of growth. The momentum that growth brings is key to staying motivated and engaged.
So … What helpful reflection questions might we ask ourselves at the end of the day?
Here are a few I’m going to try.
- When did I feel grateful today?
- When did I feel connected today?
- When did I listen to someone today, and what did I hear?
- What did I learn today?
- What challenged me today?
- What made me curious today, and how might I explore my questions tomorrow?
Donald Miller used to have a course about life-planning. In it, he encouraged people to ask themselves in the morning: “If I could do today over, what would I do differently?” Projecting yourself to the end of the day and thinking about what honestly matters shifts the day’s focus from that addictive to-do list to something more lasting and important.
I’m enjoying the experiment–these book-end question sessions at the start and end of the day. Want to try it out too? I’d love to hear about your experience. Tag me on Instagram or Twitter and let’s chat about it. In the meantime, here’s to you and your creative journey.
by Naomi | Mar 24, 2016 | Creative Life
How do you consume stories? Do you read them? Listen to them? Watch them? Play them out? How many stories have you consumed today? This week?
I’ll venture to guess that stories are a staple of your every day diet, and not just because you’re the kind of person who reads this blog. There’s a reason brands use stories as the foundation for multi-million dollar commercials such as the ones aired during the Super Bowl.
Humans crave stories.
Donald Miller, as part of his Storybrand workshops, points out that stories are built on patterns. Those patterns create clarity in the human mind. In a well-crafted story, a character has a problem and sets out to solve it. Through the story’s twists and turns, the character strives for the desired solution, and in the end he or she either achieves success or does not.
But the point is: We KNOW what the character wants. We can see the character’s progress. We have a mental picture of what success looks like. All the twists and turns in the story are given meaning, when viewed in light of the goal.
Often, life doesn’t feel that clear.
First of all, it’s not easy to figure out the exact problem and identify a clear solution or goal. Maybe we want fourteen things all at the same time. Or maybe we know what we want but we doubt our motives. We want external guidance and assurance that we’re headed in the right direction.
Second, it’s not easy to gauge success. When we watch a character try to solve a problem, we can usually read into his or her internal reasons for needing that problem to be solved. Maybe externally, the Three Pigs each want to build their own houses. But what they really need is a safe place to live. When they end up together in the brick house, safe from the wolf, their deeper longing has been met. They are safe. In our real lives, when we don’t reach our external goals, we feel frustrated. Even if our internal problem is solved, we may not realize that is the case, leaving us feeling foggy and uncertain. We wonder: Have I made progress? Often the missed goal blinds us to the actual success.
But is the story pattern impossible to see in our own lives?
No. Not impossible. And when we do glimpse the story pattern, every twist and turn and challenge and success becomes that much more meaningful. The fog on the path ahead clears, and we see how to carry our life story forward.
Here are some questions I find helpful when reflecting on my own life story.
- What goals am I working toward? (I often look at six key areas of my life when asking this question: core, creativity, commitment, connection, cultivation, casting dreams. More on those categories here.)
- Why? (I ask the question about each goal, and list all the answers that come up.)
- And that’s important because …? (I look at the answers and push myself to go a little deeper. These second tier answers are usually closer to my real reasons.)
- Is there an overall goal that ties these goals together? (Stories make more sense when they are unified. An overall goal might be “I want to be healthy in body, relationships, mind, and spirit.”)
- Am I just starting out or have I been on this journey for a while? (You can decide whether to look at a small, recent story or one that you’ve been telling for a long time. The size of the story is up to you. The goal is to choose a story that is meaningful to you at this current stage of your life.)
Question five can be the basis to draw a map for your life story. Where are the notable successes and where are the setbacks? The more whimsical the map, the more it can transform your experience into something objective that you can look at from the outside. The map then becomes a living document that can accompany you on the journey.
I hope you’ll try this process out for yourself. Over the past couple years, I’ve used a map to chart the story of my year. I’ve gained so much perspective from seeing my story told in this visual, streamlined way. I hope the same is true for you! Feel free to share your story below, or share with the greater community on Facebook or Twitter.
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Psst… Do you know about Naomi’s Tinder Box: a weekly collection of curated resources, inspiration and encouragement? Keep your creative spark ablaze … sign up for exclusive access here.
by Naomi | Feb 26, 2016 | Creative Life
Dorothy wanted to find her way home. Harry Potter longed to have his parents back. Luke Skywalker craved an epic adventure. These desires were strong, strong enough to cause Dorothy, Harry and Luke to take action and say yes to the unknown. But by the end of these stories, the goals the characters started out with had changed, grown, and transformed.
One of the most important things my writing has taught me is about the dynamic nature of goals. Namely, I’ve learned that in the best stories, the adventure transforms the goal. Characters may not end up with everything they originally wanted, but they do end up with what they need. Let’s put that a different way, into real life terms.
When we set out to pursue a goal, we may not gain everything we originally wanted, but if we commit fully, and hold our goals with open hands, we will likely end up with what we need.
I have to say, if there is a way for me to gain “what I need,” I’m definitely all for diving in fully. How about you?
Let’s break this down a bit and take a look at what dynamic goal setting looks like.
DECIDE TO TAKE A JOURNEY: First, we check in with ourselves and listen to what is calling our hearts. We ask: What am I longing for?
DRAW YOUR MAP: Then, we set the best goal we can, given the information we have. We write the goal down and post it visibly.
START AT THE TRAILHEAD: Next, we commit fully. We aim for the goal and give the process our full effort. We research and discuss our goal with experts and learn and take action.
LISTEN TO FELLOW TRAVELERS: Now here’s where dynamic goal setting differs from traditional goal setting. Rather than putting up our blinders and pushing on no matter what, we listen. We pay attention to unexpected opportunities that arise. We don’t put in our ear plugs when people we trust challenge us to see our blind spots.
NOTICE THE SIGN-POSTS: We are thoughtful about sidetracks, shortcuts and complete re-routes. We don’t follow every shiny object. We watch for patterns. Most importantly, we take time to slow down and reflect on the question: Is this where I need to go next?
JOURNEY ON: We continue to move forward confidently, allowing our destination to shift as needed, and making sure to collect all of our learning along the way.
CELEBRATE EACH VISTA: When we reach a vista, we stop and reflect, noting how far we’ve come. We write these down too, or record them in some way, so we can keep a running travelogue of our journey. Sometimes a vista is a good time to start the process over again, setting a new goal. Other times, the journey continues onward.
A final thought for travelers …
Often, what we need doesn’t match what we want because our deep, true needs usually involve change and growth. Growth nearly always requires discomfort, and sometimes is even downright painful. In an ideal world, we’d want life to be easy and pain-free. And yet, to me, a pain-free life that I drift through, never growing or learning, sounds miserable. I don’t want to be the same person I am today in ten years. I’m grateful that my experiences to this point have added a richness to my life that it didn’t have when I was 20.
I love how Henry Cloud describes the pain of growth in is book, Necessary Endings. He points out that while we might not describe having a tooth pulled as “good,” once the infected tooth has been removed, we can then heal and move forward. The experience was a positive one, even if we wouldn’t choose to repeat it.
What if, a year from now, you could look back and say, “I’ve had an Alice in Wonderland year.” or “I’ve had a Bilbo Baggins year.” Would you be willing to risk the hardship if you knew you had the opportunity to gain whatever it is YOU truly need?
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Psst… Do you know about Naomi’s Tinder Box: a weekly collection of curated resources, inspiration and encouragement? Keep your creative spark ablaze … sign up for exclusive access here.
by Naomi | Feb 17, 2016 | Creative Life
I’ve been flying through life at break-neck pace, and that’s how I ended up in New York with hardly an inkling of a plan. I knew I needed to be in town by Thursday mid-day for a meeting, and that the conference spanned the weekend. Other than that, I’d hardly consulted the schedule. I figured I’d find nooks and crannies in my schedule to explore New York, particularly since my husband was joining me for the weekend.
So, I flew in late Wednesday night and woke up Thursday morning with an empty slate. What to do?
My first thought was: I wish I’d made a plan. But my second thought was filled with curiosity: I wonder what’s around the corner from this hotel?
And the adventure began.
It turns out that around every corner in New York, surprises wait. Cathedrals, libraries, museums, unusual shops, coffee bars, restaurants, artists, musicians, a kaleidoscope of people–each a walking story in and of themselves. As I stepped onto the sidewalk in New York, I was swept into the bustling, vibrant flow.
If I’d had a plan, I’d have been frustrated. I can picture myself, head down against that cold New York wind, struggling toward my destination, missing all the surprises along the way. But without a plan, I could soak it all in, see what I didn’t know to look for, discover the richness that isn’t in the tour books.
I wonder how often my plans keep me from being in the flow?
Flow is quite different than drift. It’s true that without a plan, we have the potential to drift through life and find ourselves where we never would have chosen to be. But flow is a shortcut. Consider a character in a book who sets out to achieve a goal. By the end of the book, she nearly always finds that what she really needs is something deeper, more meaningful, than the goal she originally set. The plans she sets launch her into motion, but soon, the plan tends to get in the way. Why? Because she’s so focused on her idea of how things ought to go, she doesn’t allow margin for surprise. She doesn’t allow herself to be swept into the bigger story of what’s happening all around her. She’s struggling against the flow.
So how do we strike a balance between plans and flow?
- Start by not being afraid to set a goal. Take into account what’s true in your life, and using those givens, set a goal that points you in a specific direction.
- Head out boldly. Let your goal inform the questions that you ask and the experiences you seek out.
- Listen closely. Pay attention. Allow yourself to follow your curiosity. I wonder what’s inside that cathedral? Go ahead, wander a bit. Your goal will still be there waiting for you, but maybe you’ll see it in richer color through the stained glass windows.
- Look for secret passages and hidden doorways. Drift happens when we lose our way by following every distraction. Flow is being caught in an ever-increasing current and heading deeper in. Why did I set this goal? What’s underneath? What’s urging me onward?
- Keep in mind that “plan” is a noun and “flow” is a verb. When you’re in flow, there’s no destination. No one can stay in flow indefinitely. You’ll find beauty and joy along the way, and have a grand, meaningful adventure. And every now and again, you’ll get tangled in the weeds. When that happens, it’s time, again, to go back to the beginning and set a new plan.
Where are you right now? In a planning phase? Drifting? Flowing? Do you have particular questions you ask yourself that help you find flow? If so, I’d be so grateful if you’d share them. Share below, or feel free to connect with me on Twitter (@naomikinsman) or Facebook.
Here’s to you and your grand adventure!
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Psst… Do you know about Naomi’s Writerly Play Kit: a weekly collection of curated resources, inspiration and encouragement? Keep your creative spark ablaze … sign up for exclusive access here.
